Listen to our Audio Text
Do you and your partner avoid discussing certain topics in the bedroom — because they’re just wayyy too awkward, and the mere thought of bringing them up gives you the heebie-jeebies?
We get it. Sex is uncomfortable to talk about. It exposes our most profound desires (and sometimes, our secrets, too), making us vulnerable to others.
But, the thing is, whether you and your partner have been together for three weeks or thirty years, uncomfortable conversations are going to have to happen if you want a fulfilling sex life.
Today is the second in a series of three blog posts designed to help you overcome awkwardness about bedroom talk! Head over to part one if you haven’t read it yet.
In part two, we’ll look at five more common scenarios that might have you falling silent and how you can approach each of them so you can finally stop feeling uncomfortable and instead just ENJOY each other.
1. I’m a virgin
Having sex for the first time is a HUGE deal for many people. As such, telling your partner that you’re a virgin might feel like a stressful moment. But it doesn’t have to be.
You see, the knowledge that you’re a virgin will more than likely be welcome news to your partner. Not only that, but by telling them, they’ll be more understanding of your nervousness and excitement — and will go out of their way to make the experience as pleasant and pleasurable as possible.
You don’t have to give them your entire life story and dating history. Often, the best way to tackle this conversation is to simply come right out and say it: “I’ve never had sex before”. Be honest with them about how it makes you feel. Are you:
This will give them a better idea of how to approach the situation and make the experience far more comfortable — for both of you.
Also, it’s usually best to tell your partner in private so that there are no distractions and the two of you can solely focus on each other and your combined expectations.
2. I want to spice things up
Vanilla sex is great — but sometimes you’ve got to spice things up a bit to keep it interesting!
But how do you tell your partner this without making them feel like they aren’t doing enough?
The best approach would be to start the conversation on a positive note. Start by telling them about something that they’re doing really well. Then, talk about some new ideas of different things you’d like to try, such as sex toys or other positions, to spice things up. In addition to giving your thoughts, ask your partner if they have any of their own.
It’s best to look at this as a team “project” that you can take on together as opposed to a one-person show where only one of you gives suggestions while the other follows along. Who knows, this could be a tremendous bonding experience for
3. I want more/less
According to Ipsos’ long-running misperception studies, men believe that young women in the US and UK have incredible amounts of sex (between 22 to 23 times a month). In reality, this number is closer to five times per month.
One of the main reasons many women don’t have sex as often is that they simply don’t enjoy it. There’s either too much or too little happening in the bedroom.
This is where communication comes in. If you’re not into something your partner is doing or wants to do, tell them “no” and explain why it’s not for you. On the other hand, if you’d like to increase the pace or try something on the riskay side, ask them. Nine out of ten times, they’ll be willing to try it.
Asking for what you want in the bedroom — whether more or less — could just be the thing you and your partner need to IGNITE your sex life again and finally say goodbye to disappearing orgasms once and for all.
We’re all unique. Each person has their own set of things that turn them on and off. Just go over to YouTube, Pinterest, or Google and type in “turn-ons and turn-offs”, and you’ll see loads of videos and articles with literal LISTS of things you should and shouldn’t do when trying to get someone in the mood.
Sure, there are some common turn-ons and turn-offs that most of us can agree on — neck kisses, undressing your partner, ear nibbling — to name a few. But, we all also have unique things that get our hormones flaring and our lady parts ready for some serious attention.
Your partner will only know what gets you hot and what doesn’t if you tell them. Don’t make a big deal out of this. Either tell them in the moment or casually mention it when you think the time is right.
At the end of the day, your partner will thank you. Because if you’re properly turned on, the entire experience will be better for both of you.
5. We’re not clicking in bed
Contrary to popular belief, sexual chemistry isn’t always something that just magically happens. Sometimes, it needs to be nurtured and developed.
The best approach would be to try different things together. Make an effort to learn about each other’s bodies, desires, sweet spots, etc. A great way to do this is to try self-love tools in front of each other — as your partner will get to experience first-hand what gets you over the edge.
Also, keep in mind that sexual chemistry has a lot to do with what you and your partner do OUTSIDE of the bedroom:
- Show physical affection (hugs, kisses, cuddles)
- Take on different projects together
- Have romantic dinner dates
- Go dancing together
- Showering together (with a sensational shower steamer, of course
Sex conversations are bound to happen at some point in your relationship. By voicing your own desires, your partner will also be more likely to express theirs, resulting in improved sex life and an overall healthy and satisfying relationship.
The most crucial part is that you approach the subject with compassion and always consider your and your partner’s feelings whenever the conversation arises.
We hope this was helpful!
Don’t forget to share this post with someone who may find it equally valuable.
Intimate Touch does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any and all information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. It is not recommended that any action be taken before consulting with a healthcare professional.