Do you feel awkward about sex toys?
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Do you scroll through sex toy websites… adding items to your cart but not hitting “BUY?”
Or do you sit quietly while your friends chat about the newest addition to their boudoir collection?
Don’t worry I haven’t been spying on you. And trust me, if you’re feeling awkward about sex toys in the bedroom, you’re not alone!
Many vulva owners struggle to experience pleasure in bed, and the idea of an orgasm at the flick of a switch can certainly be tempting. But it can also feel very intimidating.
These are some of the thoughts that make people feel awkward about sex toys:
- What would people think of you if they knew you owned one?
- Would your partner be threatened if you bought one?
- Or worse, think you’re a weirdo?
If you do feel awkward, it’s no surprise. Talking about sexual curiosity and desires can be intensely vulnerable. So, today I want to ease some of the main worries around sex toys so that you can build a pleasure chest of your very own!
Aren’t they naughty?
It’s normal to feel like sex toys are ‘naughty’ somehow and using them is wrong. These beliefs are formed because pleasure is often considered taboo in society. Let me reassure you that it’s normal and healthy to be curious about the pleasure potential of your body. Technology supports us in all areas of our lives – why not the boudoir!
Will People Judge Me?
Talking about sex can feel more vulnerable than having sex – so people tend to keep their sex toys a closely guarded secret. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t using them!!
I’ll let you in on a secret – LOADS of people use sex toys as part of a healthy and satisfying sex life. Studies show that around 53% of women and 45% of men use them regularly. I guess that means they’ll be far too busy having fun to worry about your sex toys! 😉
Will my lover be offended?
If you’re worried that a sex toy will hurt your partner’s feelings and make them feel threatened, then pat yourself on the back for being so caring. Many people indeed feel self-conscious in the bedroom, so it’s good to be sensitive to your lover’s feelings.
But that doesn’t mean you should never discuss sex toys. The key to a smooth sex-toy conversation is to let your lover know that you enjoy being intimate with them – and your curiosity about toys is not an indication that you’re bored or unsatisfied.
Remember, sex toys aren’t designed to replace human interaction… they are simply a fun addition to your existing love making, to be enjoyed alone or with your partner.
How to Talk About Sex Toys?
When chatting about sex toys, be sure to steer clear of negative statements or complaints, like, “you never make me orgasm”. Keep things positive. Here are some ways you can open a conversation about sex toys…
- Hey, what do you think about trying (your preferred sex toy) some time?
- I loved what we did last night, imagine how hot it would be if we added (your preferred sex toy) to the mix!
- I was chatting to my friend about (your preferred sex toy) and I’m really curious to try it – what do you think?
Make sure you’re both on the same agenda as you navigate the world of sex toys. What are you curious about trying? Are there any toys that make you feel uncomfortable? Do you want a couple’s toy? Or one for solo play?
You can use toys to add spice, increase pleasure, explore your edges, and feel closer together. There is something for everyone!
Shopping together for your sex toys online is easy and discreet – and could become a new kind of foreplay! Keep the whole shopping experience a fun, judgement free zone, and who knows what you might discover!
What If They Say No?
Sex toys are not for everyone, so your partner may say no. And that’s okay. Consent is key, so don’t pressure them into doing something they don’t want to do.
If there is no place for sex toys in your relationship, you can try other methods to boost intimacy in the bedroom. Of course, you can always experiment with toys in your solo pleasure practice!
What Do Sex Toys Feel Like?
Sex technology is developing all the time, so the choice is enormous – and the variety of sensations they provide is varied. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you first start looking.
I’d suggest considering how you can enhance something that you already do and love… with simple sensual toys such as feathers and blindfolds. Or perhaps you’d feel more comfortable with a sex toy that you use together, such as a vibrating cock ring.
An external vibrator can be a great choice if you/your lover has a vulva. Most women need external clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm – and vibrators can provide just the right type of stimulation to make that happen.
It is normal to feel awkward about sex toys in the beginning. But remember that being curious about your pleasure potential is normal and you and your lover will both benefit from trying sex toys. Couples who use them have increased sexual satisfaction and feel closer together.
So, no you’re not selfish or weird to want to try them! All that remains is to decide which toy to try first!