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How many times a day do you think about your “V?”
Probably not a lot. It’s very easy to go through life not looking at it, not touching it, not even naming it. So, it becomes an unknown entity between your legs – only ever explored by doctors or your partner.
It’s no wonder you might feel awkward about it. And while, on a surface level, you might be disconnected from your V, on a deeper level, things can be far more complicated. Many vulva owners have subconscious feelings of disgust around their V.
This is the result of negative messages from media, parents, partners, and friends, plus non-consensual experiences. It can leave you feeling ashamed and traumatised, not to mention dissatisfied in the bedroom.
What is a V?
You might be wondering why I’m saying “V” and not vagina. It’s not for the reason you might think. The word vagina is often used to describe the female genitals, but that’s inaccurate. The vagina is only the internal part, just the tunnel that leads from the vulva to the womb.
The vulva is the outer part of the female genitals. The part you can see, the part that touches your underwear… that’s your vulva.
It’s kind of crazy that this fact isn’t well-known. “Vagina” is used as a blanket term for everything down there, which perpetuates the ongoing lack of understanding that we have about this important part of our body. Your vulva and your vagina are different, and that difference matters.
What Did You Call Yours?
So, now you know that the commonly used medical term is inaccurate, it leaves the question – what do you call yours?
Did you have a name for it when you were growing up? Mine was “parts,” an odd and vague choice that still makes me cringe. Some people choose cute words, like cookie, fairy, cupcake, or even front bottom. There’s nothing wrong with that, except perhaps, for the day when a little girl’s fairy behaves in a less than cute way – as it naturally will. The juxtaposition can be enough to make her feel disgusted by her “cupcake.”
Naming something is a sign of respect and acknowledgement of its existence. So, with that in mind, I invite you to give your V a name. You can choose the medically accurate term, vulva, or something else that feels right to you. Whatever you do, don’t go through life with an unnamed entity between your thighs.
You Don’t Need Permission
Naming your V is a powerful step in building a great relationship with her. And as your connection grows, you might feel ready to really look at and even touch her. (Of course, you may decide that your V has a different gender and that’s perfectly okay too.)
It’s natural if the thought of looking at and touching your V gives you the creeps at first, don’t judge yourself for that. You may have been conditioned to think that what you’re doing is naughty, dirty, gross, or sinful. But the truth is, your V is part of your body and you don’t need permission to look at or touch it.
Imagine if penis owners were made to feel awkward about looking at or touching their penis. The shape of their genitals and the way they pee means that they get to see and touch them all the time. It’s not a big deal for them, and that’s the aim for you too!
By using a mirror to look at your V often, you’ll gradually desensitise the fear and “ick factor” of how it looks. Over time, you’ll begin to see its natural beauty. And by touching your V with curiosity and love you’ll gradually reduce the sense of shame you feel about her. This is especially true if you were ever disciplined for touching your V as a child.
It can take real courage to undo the lifetime of shame and negativity that you may currently feel towards your V, but you can do it. The simple act of naming your V can put you on a healing path that can transform your relationship with yourself, your body, and your partner.
As you reclaim this important part of your body you will discover that it’s not disgusting, but actually completely normal and… dare I say, absolutely beautiful. Scientific studies have proven, that as your belief and emotions towards your V become more positive, your overall sexual health and sexual satisfaction will improve too. Now that’s something worth pursuing!
If you would like to learn more about how to build a loving relationship with your V, take a look at our online course Love Your V. It teaches is the sex and pleasure education that you’d wish you were taught at school!
Author : Lisa Welsh
About our guest writer: Lisa is a Sexual Empowerment and Pleasure Coach who helps people to overcome sexual shame and insecurities so that they can step into their true orgasmic nature.
You can find out more about Lisa at: https://inbedwithlisa.com/