Helpful Tips for Safer Hook Ups
Casual sex? There’s an app for that!
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One-night stands are certainly nothing new, but technology has made it easier than ever to find no-strings sexual encounters. Concepts like ‘Friends with Benefits’ are bringing hookup sex into the mainstream and gradually reducing the stigma that surrounds it.
At Intimate Touch, we believe that if it’s safe and consensual, then all sex is shame-free. So, if hook-ups are your thing, then we celebrate that!
We have created this post to help you to stay as safe as possible and create the kinds of experiences that you desire.
Fear of Dating Again
You might be tired of hearing stuff about Covid… but this is relevant, so hear me out! Long periods of isolation have left many people suffering from Fear of Dating Again or F.O.D.A. It’s a brilliant term coined by Logan Ury, the director of relationship science for the dating app Hinge that you might resonate with.
Perhaps you feel a bit rusty after so long out of the dating scene. Or, maybe the pandemic has triggered a change in your relationship priorities that has left you unsure where to turn next.
Either way, F.O.D.A. can add a new level of nerves to the dating game, so we encourage you to be gentle with yourself as you ease back into the world of hookups.
Getting started
Before you begin, take some time to get clear about your intentions. What are you looking for from your hook-up experiences? Friendship, play, sex or a mixture. Claim your intention without shame and allow it to guide you.
Explore the dating apps that are aligned with your intentions and the kinds of people you would like to meet.
Tinder: A classic option to meet new people looking for fun and connection. Simply swipe right and take it from there. https://tinder.com/
HER: This app is made especially for queer women looking for a hookup, relationship, or platonic friend. https://weareher.com/
Grindr: Grindr is a tried and tested hookup app for gay men. https://www.grindr.com/
Pure: Great for spontaneous and no-strings casual sex. https://pure.app/
Feeld: The go-to app for threesomes. https://feeld.co/
As you create your profile, don’t try to mislead or mask things that you think might put people off. That will only cause anxiety later down the line. Be you – you’re awesome! So, be honest and up-front as you create your profile. And, keep this in mind every step of the way, as you choose a screen name, photos and write your bio.
Don’t hide who you are, or what you’re looking for – but be conscious of oversharing information that could compromise your safety. Consider setting up a non-work/school email to protect your security.
Know the Risks
Of course, meeting a stranger carries risk. The greatest being a threat to your safety. We will share tips to help you keep that risk to a minimum.
Other risks include unwanted pregnancy, STIs, HIV, feelings of guilt and shame… and let’s not forget, the real potential for unsatisfying sex.
Planning to meet IRL
If you have made a connection with someone online and feel ready to meet in real life, there are some precautions you must take to reduce the risk.
- Choose a public place to meet, with an easy exit strategy.
- Discuss expectations for how this meeting will go
- Decide if you feel comfortable meeting alone or do you want to take a chaperone?
- Give a trusted friend all of the information you have about the person you’re meeting: name, screen handle, email address, phone number
- Share your live location with your friend so they can keep track of you
- Keep your friend posted if your plans change and you decide to stay later
Alcohol and Other Substances
Be wary of using alcohol or other substances that might impact your behaviour and decision-making abilities. If you are drinking, think carefully before accepting a drink that isn’t handed to you directly from a bartender. Make a point to watch your drink being made and keep it close to you at all times to make sure that there is no opportunity for risky substances to be slipped in.
Planning for Sexual Activity
If you intend to have a sexual encounter, be clear about that before you meet. Discuss STI and HIV status, and barrier methods.
It’s sensible to be tested regularly so that you are sure of your STI and HIV status, and it’s acceptable to request the same of your casual partners. But, that isn’t always going to be realistic, so empower yourself by taking the necessary cautions to protect yourself.
Use barrier methods to decrease your risk of contracting STIs or HIV.
- Gloves
- Dental dams: For oral-vaginal or oral-anal stimulation. You can create a dental dam from a condom by cutting the tip off and slitting it down the side.
- Condoms: For oral-penis contact, intercourse and when using sex toys.
Advocate for your sexual health by always carrying your condoms. And be sure to use a new one for each sexual activity.
It’s also important to note that it’s okay to ask the person if they are vaccinated for covid and to express your preference for covid precautions.
Follow Your Intuition
Your gut is pretty smart – so listen to it! If you feel uneasy or uncomfortable at any stage, then leave the situation. It is always okay to excuse yourself, just say “this is not working for me.” You don’t need to give an excuse.
There is no need to feel guilty for being honest and advocating for yourself. And that goes both ways, you should also accept the other person choosing to leave with grace.
Have fun!
That’s a lot of precautions – but they aren’t meant to limit your fun! It’s quite the opposite!
Let’s use cooking as a metaphor. It’s important to learn about how to work safely with knives, with heat and with bacteria. But once you’ve got that covered, you can start to have fun whipping up some delicious recipes.
The same goes with sexual encounters. Covering your bases to make sure you’re safe allows you to relax into the moment, so you can have a great time. And of course, we must mention the importance of advocating for your pleasure, even in casual encounters.
Ask for what you need and demonstrate the way you like to be stimulated using your hand. Play, don’t overlook the pleasure that can come from bringing a toy into the mix!
If you find that your casual partner ignores your requests or the feedback you give, it’s okay to leave the situation. Don’t feel that you have to put up with it. Consent is not a once-off conversation. It is nuanced and can change throughout the encounter.
Once it’s Over
Once your hookup experience has concluded, it’s helpful to check in and see how you feel. Revisit your intention. Did the hookup meet your expectations? What could you do differently next time? Were there any red flags you should have listened to? Did you leave the encounter feeling fulfilled?
This kind of check-in will help you to create more meaningful hookups going forward. It’s natural for some guilt and shame to crop up after the fact, so give yourself space to process this.
There is a lot of stigma around casual sex and promiscuity in our culture, so hookup sex might cause old beliefs to pop up. Instead of wallowing in self-doubt, use this as an opportunity to analyse the outdated conditioning in your subconscious and choose more empowering thoughts.
Bottom Line
Hookup sex might be taboo, but it is nothing to be ashamed about. If you would like to try casual sex, start by checking in with your intentions. What are you hoping to gain from the experience. Let this intention guide your actions as you begin your hookup adventures. Follow our tips to make sure that you limit the risks, and don’t forget to advocate for your pleasure.
Casual sex doesn’t have to mean risky or mediocre sex!
Author : Lisa Welsh
About our guest writer: Lisa is a Pleasure Pixie and Sex Educator who loves helping people to unlock their full orgasmic nature.
You can find out more about Lisa at: https://inbedwithlisa.com/
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